Porridge

I'm never much of a cook really. Hubs cooks better than i do! so to save cost, thought i'll attempt to make porridge for happy fruit to eat at nanny's.
Anyways it would be nice to be able to personally cook for him.
Considering the fact that i've never cooked a more than a 4 course proper chinese dinner, attempting to cook porridge for my little one is no easy feat.
Work includes shopping for fresh produce... now i can't even tell the diff between a winter melon & a pumpkin when cut into half! So you see.. it ain't easy. Then there's the washing, slicing & chopping (no blender at home.
It used to be when we eat, i'm not much of a clean freak. I just wash the vege twice, drain & it's ready to cook. Nowadays, i see my self scrubbing the potatoes & carrots as though there's no tomorrow.
Anyways, the novice cook in me just have to agak agak my way tru. Not sure how much of everything to put in. aargh... i'm not a fussy eater so even if it was a bit bland, i'll just swallow it in but poor babe, i feel for him. his first introduction to solids & he gotta contend with mommy's cooking. First day bland, next day starchy, following day haiyo dun even wanna think about it.
Yesterday was the first attempt. I tot it tasted quite sweet & not too bad for 1st try. As soon as i got to work, got a phone call from nanny saying the portion was not enough. Was supposed to be sufficient for 2 meals but ended up only enough for one & happy fruit had to had instant cereals for dinner.
well nevermind. try again the next day.
tommorow came. thought i'm beginning to get the hang of waking up earlier to prepare & cook. result? more bland then yesterday's. pengsan!
meanwhile, while i'm still perfecting the art of making porridge for my little one, i think i'll make up to him by treating him with bananas (which he loves)& perhaps some baby yoghurt =)

Glimpses of brighter days ahead

It's been some time or should i say lonnnng time since i last blogged bout happy fruit. well it's been challenging in the past few months. I still have not had the luxury of enjoying more than 4 hours of sleep at one go but i'm happy to say i survived. Seems my body has adjusted to waking up a couple of time a night but if given the chance, i sure won't mind sleepin tru the night =) then again, i probably find myself getting up wondering is he still breathing?? how come he's sleepin tru for more than 4 hours straight?! now if u haven't followed my earlier postings, u'll soon realize it'll be a breakthrough for both hubs & i, somethin worth celebrating when the day comes when we finally announce tt happy fruit slept tru the night! Until then, we're still grateful to God for this precious life. In fact, we still find ourselves longing to greet him & give him a big beary hug-squeeze at the end of our work day when we pick him up from nanny's.

Sleep?! What's that?

For what seemed like the longest time, since the delivery, i never had the luxury to sleep through more than 4 hours at once.
Things got worse when bb luke woke up every 2 hours or so to feed at night.

On 2 rare occassion, he slept by 10pm, all by himself! Mommy was so proud of him!
But most nights, it's an average of 4 -5 wakes per night. It's not an easy task getting ready for work, doing the laundry, fixing breakfast, changing his diaper, feeding him & then coming back, quick dinner, pick him up from nanny's, fold the laundry, finish up some house chores, spend a little time playing & singing to him, a quick catch up with hubby on the day, feed babe, settle him to sleep. I'm poofed!
And before you know it, another new day has come.

His mercies are new every morning! And so, we thank God for yet another day. Tiring but well we move on, trying to rely on Him for His strength.
There was a period i was getting sick almost every 2 weeks but thankfully things seems to be getting better & oh! the past 2 days seemed a little different than usual. bb luke still wakes up & fuss a little but he seems not to be wanting to feed. so i just put him back on his bed & he falls asleep. We're beginning to see a breakthrough, hopefully!

6 months and counting...

6 months = start of solids. Oh... did i mention he got his first two tooth at 4 months!So we were quite excited to see how he'll respond to solids.
His first introduction was the cereal. And according to his nanny, he gobbled it up! What a difference as most of the time he was either not finishing his milk or he was being force-fed tru the syringe! By the way, he had aken into the liking of being fed using the syringe, he thinks it's funny! Sigh... boys...
Oh dear, i see some cheeky-ness sprouting out. Like daddy, like son.

The days are getting brighter

It seemed like only yesterday that luke was swaddled up in my arms. He started off by lifting his head up. The next moment, he was turning. Several weeks later, he was trying to move back & forth in a stationery position. it was as though he was preparing to race a 100m track. Before we knew it, he started crawling!

Before all this significant physical milestone, he was already learning to respond by smiling. And then came the occassional giggle. And then the hark hark hark as though he was clearing his throat but in actual fact he was chuckling. Nowadays, his usual morning routine is to climb all over you & greet you with a big great SMILE (while we're still in bed, catching up on our sleep). But then who can resist that smile! Not me & neither hubby! And that's how happy fruit came about. He was constantly smiling. extremely jovial.

Those difficult days are beginning to fade away & the brighter days are just round the corner.

Back to work

Sob, sob... i missed my wong jun. It was the first day back to work after 3 whole eventful long months.
Bb luke was by now a little more manageable. We were getting the hang of things & suddenly having to go back to work & leaving him behind seemed so cruel.
There were mixed feelings of guilt.
As i arrived at his nanny's place, unbuckled his seat belt, the tears just rolled down uncontrallable. Blame it on the hormones, but i just couldn't switch off the tap.
Once again, God prepared a wonderful nanny to take care of bb luke. She gave me reports on how he was doing throughout the day via sms & it felt so reassuring.
I still miss luke now when i go to work but well, i know that he is in good hands.

Chicken soup for the soul

God has an amazing way to pick you up when you feel you're reaching rock bottom. He sends loved ones & friends along the way to encourage you.
I must mention i wouldn't have pulled through what may seem one of the most difficult period of my life if not for the love & support of these special people in our lives.
My sis & dax came to babysit luke for an afternoon while i tried to get a long awaited nap.
Dad & mom came to visit to make sure i was okay.
Relatives came over to check on how i was coping & offered to help in one way or another.
One friend offered to give hubby & i tickets to watch a musical downtown while my boy's future nanny took care of him for the evening, just so we got a well deserved break.
Another dear friend lugged her 4 month old baby & came all the way to bring me homecooked chicken soup. Just having someone around made a whole lot of difference.
Calls of concern, love & prayers from all those God has blessed us will always touched my heart right to the core. The knowledge that so many out there cared for us made me realised how blessed we were.

Colic

At 7 weeks, baby luke was becoming to cry more frequently and for a long period of time. Nothing i did could soothe him. All i could do was to walk & rock & sing while he cried in my arms. After 2 or so hours, he fell asleep.
After several days, i noticed from 5 in the evening right through hubby came back from work at 6, right tru dinner until 9, this was the pattern. Bb luke just cried & cried.
Nothing seemed to help. Hubby & i checked to see what could be his source of discomfort. We even took him for a car ride (as suggested by the books) but nothing worked!
Then one day, i started to realised after the long bout of crying, he'll give a big loud burp and then falls asleep right away out of sheer exhaustion. I began to think it could probably be a case of colic (discomfort from trapped air in the tummy). . I asked around, read more about it & continued to monitor luke's progress and concluded it could indeed be colic. Well, i was somehow glad that at least i knew what was causing the crying. So i tried burping him but he just didn't burp. Sigh... so the crying continued.

The endless crying coupled with my fatigue caused by the lack of sleep made me wonder if i was cut out to be a mother. How did the others seem to breeze through it?
I realised i've never prayed so much as i've prayed during that period. I wanted so much to gain control of the situation at hand & find a way out to the problem but i just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There were many instances i wished my maternity leave was cut short & i could get back to work! Work now comparatively was so much easier!

All by myself

The day finally arrived. I said my goodbyes to hubby, gave him a great big hug & well this is it!

Me & Luke.... okie so far he's doing ok. sound asleep. while he is at that, quickly take the laundry out to hang so that i could quickly make some breakfast. And THEN.... luke decides to wake up & make his presence known. Didn't manage to grab a single bite. It was time to feed but he wasn't latching on well. Try all sorts of position but he didn't seem to be suckling. Okie... take a deep breath & try again. No, not working... did he soiled his nappy? no... Aarghhh... his wail is becoming louder. Okie nevermind... just take it easy. Well let's try rocking him to sleep again. He wriggles & wiggles to show his discomfort. These lasted for several hours & finally too tired, baby fell asleep in my arms.

Hubby called to ask how i was doing. "Not good", i said. "When would you be coming back? Soon?" I didn't want to worry him too much but i really wanted him to be around home and soon.

Counting down

I'm counting down to the days when the pooi yuet leaves & it's time to take care of baby all by myself. The thought of it scares me. I still have not mastered the art of burping baby. And then, there's the bathing part (by then, bb luke was well know for his octopus act where his hands & feet moves at all direction as he wriggles & wiggles his way out of the bath tub. And i tot babies were supposed to love bath time?!)
At last but not least, waking up a few times a night to feed?! that is beyond me!

The stress mounted as i began to think of how to cope without the extra hand to help.
And then there was the prospect of going back to work soon. Who was going to take care of our precious baby? That was one big issue which we had to find a solution soon.

Help is here

The pooi yuet arrived the following day. There were so many things to get. Since we had minimal furniture at the new place, we had to get a new bed for our stay-in helper & other stuff i never knew existed for instance yu yee yau aka medicated oil to get rid of wind in baby's stomach.

Having someone unfamiliar staying at your home was fairly strange. But was she a great help! She cleaned, cooked, took care of the baby in the day & also in the night. I tot wow, what a superwoman. Later i realised, mothers had the God-given ability to handle all this task from dawn to dusk.

The dishes were fantastic. But what i loved most & couldn't get enough of was her fried rice. Simple common dish but somehow it taste "ooh!" thinking of it makes me salivate! My dearest hubby enjoyed her cooking so much so that he had a bad case of sore throat from consuming too much ginger, pepper & heaty food, which was catered more for me to get rid of wind, keep the body warm & nurse it back to health after delivery.

While she took care of bb luke, I tried to get some sleep in the afternoon but by the time you know it, it's time for his next feed. And so, the routine for the weeks to follow has been established. wake up, feed, burp (this is a tough one), change nappy, cry, sleep, wake up, feed .... and the cycle continues...

My first few nights

Following the "cry-my-hear-out" session, i felt much better. It was somehow comforting to be able to pour out all the overwhelming feelings i felt inside.

Those first few nights rocking little luke to sleep brought me to my knees. Many times, in the stillness of the night, i looked out to the window & questioned God "have you forsaken me?" Little did i know what God has planned for us.
Through my aunt, uncle & their family, they rallied to help us pay for a confinement lady to help us out for our first month. But question at hand was "how do we find one in such a short notice?" My aunt made several phone calls, getting contacts here & there but none were available. Finally we got a call saying that someone was able to come by the following day. What a relief! God certainly heard my cry.

Coming Home...

We decided earlier that we could do without a pooi yuet aka confinement lady. Since my aunt so graciously offered to help us out during the day with the cooking, we were more than happy.

The days following our homecoming from the hospital was something that will be etched in my mind for a long long time. I or rather both me & hubby never realised it would be this difficult. The crying, the nursing, the recovery from the csection was wearing me down. Maybe it had to do with us being inexperienced 1st hand parents. We didn't get help & there weren't any older folks to advised us on how to handle newborn.

So there we were from the middle of the night right tru the wee hours of the morning, just craddling luke, trying to nurse him, but the crying didn't seemed to stop. oh yes it did... our longest break was 25 mins! we came home from the hospital on friday noon & by sun morning, i just broke down in front of my aunt (who came by to help me bathe luke but i ended up taking her whole morning crying my heart out). I felt so helpless... nothing i did seemed to soothe the little boy. There were a 101possibilities... was he sick, was he cold, hot, hungry ... we tried changing his diapers just so that he'll feel comfortable. i think we over did it esp at nights. poor guy... he must probably be crying aloud "give me a break, i jus wanna have a decent sleep. can't you stop waking me up to change my diapers!"

THE DAY (The Delivery)

Got up as usual, preparing to get to the hospital for my regular prenatal checkup.
Experienced some tummy discomfort, very much like menstrual cramps but thought nothing of it since it'll be another 10 days before i'm due. Read about "false alarm" & thought it would be just another one of those episode.

Strangely enough, the mothers all decided to show up for their check up that day. We waited, and waited, and waited. The pain was getting more intense but still i somehow thought the baby wasn't due to come out yet.

And then we waited somemore. I think i was almost the last in que when after 2.5 hours of waiting, it was my turn to see the gynae. She did the normal routine checkup until hubby told her that i'm experiencing some form of pain. She did a check & we were told i was already 3cm dilated. Wow! And all this while, i thought it was nothing.

My heart began to race in anticipation. Was wheeled to the delivery room to prepare for natural birth. Hubby was sent downstairs to fill up some papers while the nurses prepared me. 30 mins later, gynae came in & burst the water bag to quicken labour.
And then, there was the not-so-good news. Advised me to do a c-section as there were signs the baby has defacated in the womb which would further cause distress.

All the reading that i've done previously didn't prepare me for these. I was disappointed the prospect of getting a c-section was in the books. I didn't had much time to consider. there & then, hubby & I decided we'll just do what is safest for the baby.

The next few moments were all a blur. I was given the local anaesthetic. Wheeled into the operating theatre. And then, that's when the EPISODE began!
The pain was excrutiating!!! i could feel the knife cutting into my skin. I quicken my breath to try to get some relief & managed to utter to the anaesthetician that i felt pain. There were some exchange of words between the surgeon, my gynae & the anaesthetician (and that isn't my imagination). I remembered vividly the anaesthetician saying that she's increasing the dosage and shortly after telling my gynae that she must have been to quick to cut me up, not waiting long enough for the LA to kicked in! The next few moments were spent helplessly screaming my lungs out but no sound came out as the pain was unimaginable. I felt them yanking the baby out from the womb, pulling some stuff out. All these happened when i couldn't see a thing in front of me as my front view was blocked with a cloth but you can imagine i could feel every single thing that was happening.
Suddenly i could hear in the background my baby's first cry! The nurse brought it to me, right in front of my eyes, next to my cheek, but sadly i couldn't muster an ounce of energy even to greet my baby a simple "i love you". And i passed out out of sheer exhaustion.

From that moment onwards, eveything was a whirlwind. From waking up in the nights at the hospital & learning to cope with nursing my little one despite the pain of the incisor.

I decided to forego the bottle & decided on breastfeeding bb luke.
The first time he latched on, it was magical. The bond was incredible.
But the next few sessions were painfully a struggle for the both of us. The nurse kept bringing him back to feed. I tried to feed but he was still crying helplessly. I reckoned there was still not much milk coming out. My roommate beside me was beginning to get annoyed. I just wanted the morning to come soon so i could hold onto hubby!

After 2 nights in the hospital, all i wanted to do was to get out of there as soon as possible. The hospital was so "cold". I just wanted to be in the warmth of our own home with our little darling, together as a family.

Coming back to the part of the horrendous episode, i regretted not taking any action against the hospital. We were just too busy coping as new parents to even write a simple complaint letter to the management to inform them of my experience. It didn't help the fact that we paid over 6k only to go through such pain! The experience has left a scar in my memory. Hopefully, it'll fade with time when we plan for our second one.

A place to call my own

We finally got the keys to our new home!
A place to call my own. My home, my abode.
Our biggest investment were to get the kitchen cabinet & wooden floorboards done up. The rest were kept minimal. Made do with whatever basic furniture we had. Most finishing were from ikea, from the cabinets to the lampshade, the table to the hooks.
Dad helped contribute a lot to making this dream of owning our own home possible.

Every off day from work was spent at the new home, cleaning, painting, organizing.
I was 7 months pregnant then and climbing up & down 3 flight of staircases, moving boxes & all was surprisingly easy. Maybe it was all the excitement & pumping adrenalin that came with having a place of my own, that made it such an easy feat. You sort of forget the tiredness. However, at the end of the day, i couldn't lift a finger. I just plonked onto the chair & drifted into a daze.

Aarghh... i dun feel good...

The weeks to follow after the good news wasn't exactly pleasant. Just the thought of certain food or a whiff of garlic would send me to the bathroom.
Even the taste of water had turned mercury. Was it the water or was it just my body adjusting.
French fries (particularly McDonald's) were my only source of comfort. And boy, were they finger-licking good!
Then there was the fatigue. Sleeping more than 10 hours just didn't seemed enough. Neither was 12 hours of sleep did me any better. Getting out of bed for work 6 days a week was a battle. All i wanted to do was to cuddle up in my blanket and sleep.

Hooray! It's confirmed!

15th Jan: It seemed like ages as i waited in my bathroom to see if the line would be visible to show that i was pregnant. And..... yup! THE line appeared! Wanting to be totally sure before i break the news, i got hold of another test kit & YES! A double confirmation!
Hubby waited at the door & seeing the grin on my face, we were both estatic!
Thank you Lord, for this wonderful gift!

Finally! Our 1st Official Family Portrait...

We're excited!
We don't even have a proper family portrait since luke's arrival so we're looking forward to the photoshoot at covershots!
The first appointment tak jadi as it the weather was gloomy & later pouring so we decided to call it off.
The next saturday finally arrived. We prayed hard for the weather to be perfect.
Hopefully bb luke gets enough sleep the night before & doesn't get cranky during the day!
We scheduled the photoshoot in the morning which happens to be his regular naptime. But we took the risk anyways cos noon would be even more difficult. He was smiling as he they took his first few shots. And then, it was time to change to his other outfit. And can you imagine!! Mommy forgot to bring all his clothes! Only brought his bag of toys, change of diaper. Aarghh..
His little cousin managed to have a few shots while she was there. yeah! and we borrowed her pair of oversized jeans but haha it looked okay wat in the shots!

bb luke was considered very well behaved & we managed to get many decent shots! The session took longer than expected bcos mommy was trying to get more shots since we were there. bb was getting sleepier & hence, agitated. Didn't want happy fruit to become sour fruit so we decided to call it a day! Yeah! And the pictures were fabulous despite mommy & daddy looking worn out :)